It’s hard to believe that it’s been a month and a half since my world was shaken. Since then it has been a rough journey, mostly feeling numb to everything around me. I don’t think I have been numbing the pain, I was in shock and the reality of the situation hadn’t hit me yet. But because of that feeling of numbness I know I wasn’t able to experience joy as I had been.
Then the waves of pain started to come. A song plays or I’m driving in my car and memories — fond memories — of her pop into my head. I embrace them, those moments have been gifts to me. While it’s difficult for me to experience these emotions, at least I am able to feel again and enjoy what I do have.
Here’s a portion of the book Praying Our Goodbyes by Joyce Rupp that helped me experience some of deep aching within me:
If you have ever said a deeply significant goodbye, you know what it is like to have life pelt you with sorrow, to be overwhelmed with emptiness, loneliness, confusion and sadness. At these times we are bent over, crushed. The pain is overwhelming, often too deep for tears.
The pain is overwhelming, often too deep for tears. How difficult yet comforting to hear.